Don't Know What I Am- But That's Okay
by love a sexy trash can
Summary: For a while now, Raph's been confused about how he felt internally. Thankfully, Casey's just the person he needs to talk with. Rasey "bromance."


**Y'all remember that Halloween game where Raph was dressed as a fairy princess? Well, being a member of the LGBTQ+, I am overanalyzing that situation and have now written this story based on that.**

 **Nonetheless, enjoy my mess!**

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He'd been staring at his hands for about thirty minutes now. It was kind of weird. They were... big. Well, obviously they were big, he was a fucking mutant turtle. Raph let his hand fall to his plastron.

He'd been thinking about this for a year and several weeks now. It was mid-November now and he still couldn't just let it _go._ He wanted to talk to someone about it, really. He just... Didn't know who to talk to. It was complicated. Not even _he_ understood what he was thinking about.

Then again, who did?

He sat up on his bed, stroking Chompy's head. The baby alien turtle panted. "Alright little guy, I'm going to be leaving you here for a while. I'm going out for a run. Can I trust you to be careful alone?" Chompy tilted his head to the side and barked. Raph chuckled and tickled the turtle's chin. "Of course I can." Without hesitation, Raph left his room and ran out of the lair. It felt good to move, to breathe, to feel _free._ He sprinted to the nearest manhole cover and was on topside a moment later. He ran and somersaulted from rooftop to rooftop. The nighttime zephyr blew in his face. It felt good.

When he finally slowed to a stop, Raph realized he was at his and Casey's rendezvous point for when they did patrols. Maybe if he waited a few minutes...

He shook his head. He didn't tell Casey to meet up with him tonight, so of course he wouldn't come. Still, he sat down on the edge of the roof. The night was calm and, surprisingly, it was quiet. Well, quiet for New York City.

In fact, so quiet that he could hear footsteps behind him.

"Had a feelin' you'd be here, dude," Casey said. He sat down beside Raph. Probably a little too close for comfort but still okay. "So... why're you here?"

Silence. Not a bad silence but... Yeah, neither of them could describe it.

"Can... Can I talk about something?" Raph tried to form an intelligible sentence. He hated that he became illiterate when it came to voicing his thoughts. His friend nodded.

"Sure."

"'Kay." So, how could he word this out without making Casey feel super weird? "Remember that time Mikey mentioned... _that_ Halloween?" he muttered. Casey cackled.

"Dude, you mean the one where you had to wear a fairy princess outfit? That was hilarious, I can't believe I had missed seeing you wear it!" Suddenly, Casey's expression changed and he was solemn. "Do you still have it?" Raph glared at him. Casey's countenance cracked with a gaptoothed smile.

"Definitely don't have it anymore, ya dummy. So your hopes of seeing me in a poofy, sparkly, pretty pink dress are crushed now." The Cheshire grin didn't leave.

"Pretty?"

Raph wanted an alien spaceship to beam him up and do whatever they want. It'd probably be a lot better than what was happening now.

"You _know_ that's not what I meant!" Raph growled.

"Hmm, not sure if I do. Explain please," the human teased. The turtle only growled again. "No, but seriously. What did you mean by that?" Raph pouted, pushing his bottom lip as far out as he could. Here it goes.

"'S complicated," he muttered. "It started after that Halloween, I know that. But..." He paused for a really long time. Probably two to four minutes. Or a gajillion. "Promise me you won't be weirded out?" Casey held up his right hand.

"I swear on a bunch o' graves." He squealed when Raph punched his arm.

"Be serious."

"Okay dude. Moody. Not that that's weird or odd."

"Ha ha." Casey actually laughed at that; Raph rolled his eyes.

"So, what is it?" Casey leaned back, his hands braced against the roof. "What're you so worried will weird me out that you're worse at talking than usual?"

"Well," Raph started, "I _do_ look like a guy, right?"

"Totally, dude! You reek of testosterone!" Raph chuckled, which warmed Casey's heart a little. He liked seeing his best friend happy, content. It was rare, which made it all the more meaningful.

"Well, ever since that Halloween, I... uh. Um, I haven't exactly felt that way when I. When I started thinking about it and, well... You know what?" Raph suddenly stood up, making the human beside him jump. "Forget it. This is stupid." Before he could walk away, Casey grabbed his hand.

"Dude, wait! It's not stupid." Quietly, he added, "You know you can tell me anything. I'm here for you." He felt the mutant's hand twitch before he turned back around and sat down again.

"Okay." He took a deep breath. "So, since that Halloween, I've been thinking. I wasn't entirely comfortable wearing that dress, but I... Well, I also wouldn't have minded if I had to wear something similar to that again. Is that weird?" His green eyes bore into Casey's brown ones.

"Nah. I know a lot of transgender people and guys who just really like girls' clothing. To me, it's not that big a deal," he answered. He straightened his back, realizing where Raph was getting. "Do you... Do you feel like a girl, Raph?" He was shaking his head before Casey could finish speaking.

"No, dude! That's not what I mean! I know I'm not a girl, I don't feel like one either. I know I have male anatomy, but..." He apparently lost his voice and his hands were fidgeting. However, his best friend drew the conclusion he was trying to get to.

"You don't really feel like a boy either." Sinuous shoulders relaxed. "Am I right?" Raph nodded, the tails of his mask falling to the side.

"Are you freaked out?"

"No way, dude! I think you're the first nonbinary person I've met, so it's pretty cool!" Raph raised an eyebrow ridge.

"Nonbinary?" Casey rubbed his chin.

"Okay, so... um. Uh, the binary genders, I guess, are male and female. But there are people who don't... uh- identify! That's the word. They don't identify with the binary genders, so, yeah. They're nonbinary," Casey explained. Raph nodded.

"That might be it." It was quiet again, with the occasional car horn and swearing from the people below them.

"So..."

"Yeah?"

"What are your pronouns?" Seeing the confused gaze, Casey continued. "You know, like he and him, she and her, they and them. What are they? Just wanna respect dude. Wait. Are you comfortable with me calling you dude?" Raph chuckled.

"I like when you call me dude. It feels like our thing," he nudged Casey's side, "dude."

"Oh, ha ha."

"But, I guess so it won't be confusing, I'll stick to the he/him pronouns. But maybe one day I'll start using they/them. But... just don't see me as a boy. See me more as... a person. Since I don't get that often, anyway. Please."

"Of course, Raph. Whatever you need me to do," Casey responded, draping his arm around Raph's shoulders. It was an easy thing to do; he'd always seen Raph as a person instead of some accidental mutation. It didn't matter what anatomy Raph had down there, as long as he was who Casey knew him to be.

He just wished Raph still had the dress.

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 **Oof, sappy ending but this is what y'all get.**

 **We love supportive best friends *cough* boyfriends *cough*.**

 **Also, I have a poll on my profile that needs answering. Don't question it, just answer it. Please. Also, thanks for reading!**


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